Jesus, Fig Smiter

So one day, Jesus is strolling along with his friends and singing, "OOOOOOOOO-klahoma, where the wind comes sweepin' down the plain! Doo doo de doo," and all of a sudden he's like, "Wait a minute...there's something odd here."

And the disciples start looking around like startled gophers.

Then Jesus leapt into the air and yelled, "That's it! I've got it! I'm hungry!"

And the disciples nodded and said, "Oh," even though they didn't really get it. And that one disciple that was always writing things down wrote this down. And that other disciple that was always seeing things and pointing at them saw a fig tree and pointed at it and said, "How about we get some figs?"

So Jesus was all nodding his head and talking about that being a great idea and sauntering over to the fig tree, to the limited extent that a guy in sandals can really saunter.

But then they got to the tree, and there were no figs and Jesus' head got all red and began expanding and then it exploded and got replaced with a new head, because Jesus can do that sort of thing.

And then Jesus put a curse on the fig tree for being so stupid as to be a fig tree that didn't have figs.

And then the fig tree was cursed. By Jesus.

It's really in the Bible.