Why I'm Bad at Interviewing, Part Two

Everyone has strengths & weaknesses as workers. What are your strong points for this job?
I've been fully approved by the FDA to treat a wide variety of gastrointestinal ailments.

What would you say are areas needing improvement?
Hygiene, moral character, and job skills.

How did your supervisor on your most recent job evaluate your job performance?
By putting me through a gauntlet of daunting physical challenges not unlike those contestants undergo on American Gladiator.

What were some of the good points & bad points of that rating?
Good points: Got to be on TV, those awesome metal gerbil balls. Bad points: Spandex wedgies.

When you have been told, or discovered for yourself, a problem in your job performance, what have you typically done? Can you give me an example?
Typically, I blame a random individual, mutter death threats, and try to kill him or her with my mind...you're seeing an example right now.

Do you prefer working alone or in groups?
I like groups. I slowly whittle them down by engendering conflict, playing off petty loyalties, and waving around a supersoaker full of butane in the smokers' lounge.

And then I get to work alone.

What kind of people do you find it most difficult to work with? Why?
Clowns. It's not the facepaint. It's not even the weird clothes. It's the juggling. I just can't relax when I'm near someone who can JUGGLE.

Starting with your last job, tell me about any of your achievements that were recognized by your superiors.
Hey, at Wegmans, the grocery store where I've worked, I've been one of hundreds of employees, all reporting to a transient systemic mass of dozens of supervisors. I think it's an achievement that they recognize me.