I have a goal: to live in such a manner that if I die by another's hand, it shall be deemed an assassination.

I have a goal for my death, too. I want to die in a way which requires an autopsy. In fact, more specifically than that, I don't want to die in a boring way. Drifting off in my sleep is dull, suffocating is dull. Succumbing to a virus that liquefies my incides, being pushed off of a building by smirking mafiosos, falling prey to flesh-eating frogs...those are good ways to die.

And once I'm dead, I have still more wishes. If I get wish #2 and I'm autopsied, there wouldn't be much of a body, so I'd like to be cremated. You know how some people want their ashes spread on beaches or ancestral homes or whatever? I want my ashes spread on the steps of the US Congress. Not because I have patriotic nostalgia or think of the US government as some kind of progenitor. But because I rest easier knowing that one day national legislators will inhale my incinerated flesh.

If I die without needing an autopsy, I have some fairly specific ideas for burial. Namely, that I don't want it. I don't want to be buried. It just seems...so...dull. There are all sorts of other options, and I think I'm willing to leave it up to the surviving population to decide which. I could be brought to a taxidermist, stuffed, and put up in a storefront, like a beady-eyed mannequin. I could be catapulted from the location of my death, a random distance in a random direction, and left to rot wherever I land. I could be arranged on the floor of a building, outlined in white chalk, and surrounded by police tape. I could even be buried if it was in an interesting location, like in a soccer field, or if I'm in a graveyard, then I want a completely inaccurate tombstone. "Here Lies Jacob Aberly // loving astrophysicist // ate cats."

But I'd still rather be autopsied.