Impulsivity.net

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Ways to Eat a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Which Are - In Fact - Wrong

  • Using a jigsaw to cut a hole into the front of your neck, narrowly avoiding the arteries, and then cramming it directly into your throat.
  • Quickly, before the wasps reach us.
  • Dangling from the back of a Chevy 4X4 as it careens down the highway in pursuit of a bus full of young men in James Bond costumes.
  • Via injection, catapault, or cutaneous absorbtion.
  • Licking it off of the bare stomach of a leather-clad adolescent female who insists that she is a vampire.
  • Grinding it up into tiny bits, which are mashed into a fine paste along with baking soda and dandruff.
  • Lying underneath your bed, hoping the man with the chainsaw will give up and try someone else's house.
  • Mixed with cauliflower. Ew. Cauliflower.

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    Copyright 2006, property of Audrey Smerbeck. If you steal it, you will feel guilty and your eyes will be pecked out by ravenous denizens of a nearby brewery. They know who you are.